


Greatest loves of all time

by theleopards



Category: Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Angst, F/F, folklore burned my soul, i'm sad and i needed to make everyone else sad with me, no happy ending in sight, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theleopards/pseuds/theleopards
Summary: A break-up fic.
Relationships: Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift
Kudos: 41





	Greatest loves of all time

“I can drive to you right now, I know you’re in town.”

Karlie could hear the tinkling of keys wrapped around Taylor’s fingers, the ruffle of clothes, hurried steps on the wooden floor.

“Don’t.”

“…what did you say?”

“We don’t have to do this in person. It’ll only hurt more.”

“Do what? Don’t be silly, Karlie, it’s not the moment.”

Taylor’s fingers froze around the keys as soon as she heard it. The sound of a ragged breath, the telltale sign of a panic attack. It was almost inaudible under her own heart, beating furiously in the back of her neck.

“Karlie?”

The line went dead.

***

Six months. Taylor didn’t care to pretend she wasn’t counting the days – there was a pretty remarkable calendar on her kitchen filled with red X’s counting from July. It was the only way to keep track of her days after they started muddling into each other.

Taylor dreaded going back to New York. The Cornelia Street apartment was sold before she even bothered taking a flight to check for any furniture she may wish to keep. Honestly, she didn’t want any of it, not even her linen sheets and flannel pajamas that were probably still stretched out over the bed. She especially dreaded the leather Moleskine thrown over her kitchen countertop, forgotten after a phone call.

The words “I’d marry you”, in red over scrawled pages, burning in the back of her brain.

Of course, her team raided the place before handing it over to its new owner. Knowing the goddamned notebook was lying in a cardboard box somewhere in her mother’s house didn’t make things better.

Christmas and New Year’s Eve passed without her acknowledgment. Taylor wondered if Andrea had found the notebook as she passed her the bottle of white over supper. She also wondered if Andrea had found the tiny velvet box, if she had opened it to find a handwritten note instead of a pair of golden rings. It was hard to swallow.

***

Karlie’s phone had been dead ever since she finished the call. She didn’t answer the door, but Taylor could see her silhouette behind the curtains on the second floor.

There was desperation brewing in Taylor’s stomach, threatening to spill. As long as she could see Karlie’s shadow, she could keep it in check. _It’s okay_ , she thought, eyes glancing from the yellowy shadow to her phone screen. _She just needs me to do this, to chase her, and stay through the storm, and then everything will be okay._

The lights went out.

***

“Yeah, I already know, isn’t it fantastic?” she said, again and again, to friends and acquaintances, after every show, when they brought up Karlie’s engagement. Even hearing Karlie’s name would be rubbing salt in the wound at this point, and now she had to hear about her engagement. About a big announcement, an even bigger diamond ring. A thousand new cuts every night.

“I hope it’s an autumn wedding! I love autumn weddings.”

“I’m sure it’ll be lovely.”

***

_i miss you…_

_did you change your number?_

_of course you won’t answer if you did but i’m a mess rn fuck_

_karlie, we need to talk_

***

August 26th. One month, but it still felt like seeing a ghost. Which was helpful, since the only thing stopping Taylor from running towards Karlie was the possibility that her hands would find only a game of shadows, that her glitter-covered arms would slip through the air.

“Taylor… I’m sorry.”

Taylor swallowed. Closed her eyes. Anger always came to her with ease, but it wasn’t neat this time. Too many mixed emotions, like a bitter cocktail behind her tongue.

“For what? For disappearing for a month?”

Karlie didn’t hold her gaze. She was grateful for that, despite her confrontational stance. It was easier to be mad at a ghost.

“For breaking up with me over a phone call? For getting engaged?”

“You knew about that!” Karlie choked out.

“It didn’t hurt any fucking less, Karlie!”

Taylor’s hands were shaking. It was visible. She couldn’t care less.

“I’m sorry for all of that.” A whisper.

“Then why? Why would you…”

“I couldn’t put you through that. Sneaking through my garden can’t last a lifetime and you know that.”

“And how is what you’re putting me through now any better?” Taylor’s voice was barely audible, her knees weak against the arm of the sofa, and she vaguely wondered about how many times in the past she was confronted with an ex. How many times she stood her ground and made her point. It seemed impossible to stand her ground now that it was frozen.

“I thought it would hurt less if…” Karlie sobbed, and the rage boiling Taylor’s veins turned to ice water. “If you hated me. If we didn’t talk. It could just be over.”

Suddenly, there was a warm cheek under Taylor’s lips, salty tears on her tongue, and arms wrapped around her waist. “Baby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She was about to close her arms around broad shoulders when the fluttering in her heart came to a halt.

“Karlie, is this the last time I’m seeing you?”

A pause.

“Yes. But will you kiss me?” Karlie asked, a whisper against blonde hair. Taylor wasn’t able to resist the pull of gravity, and it took her in again.

It was gravity making her smile through tears as Karlie’s lips grazed hers, and laugh at Karlie’s half-hearted jokes, and sing on-stage while half her heart was somewhere in the crowd.

***

That night, she went back to her kitchen and crossed another X on her calendar. Nothing changed.

***

Somehow, she pushed through. Maybe it was the glint in Karlie’s eyes when they last saw each other. Maybe it was the velvet grazing her fingers when she went through cardboard boxes looking for a porcelain set. Taylor couldn’t tell for sure what it was that made her go through all those bittersweet feelings and drag them to the studio.

A love letter, serenades in Paris, billboards, and cursive calligraphy on the back of the NY Times. She still doesn’t know how, she just did.

Thinking back, maybe it wasn’t the glint in Karlie’s eyes. It was naiveté, too many romantic comedies, and a blind belief that true love is supposed to last.

If you’re lucky, it does. But it doesn’t matter if you have a thread of gold or a piece of paper – as soon as you throw it in a fire, it’s probably lost.

***

“Has she called yet?”

“No.”

“It’s been a week. She knows it’s about her, right? She has to know.”

“Maybe she just doesn’t care anymore.” Taylor shrugged. Something weak pulled at her heart, but her head was buzzing with an old-fashioned.

***

The last red cross was drawn on a Friday.

Karlie had a flair for the dramatic just as much as Taylor, and that’s how she ended up on Taylor’s doorstep in the middle of pouring rain.

“What the fuck? Karlie…”

Taylor tasted gin on Karlie’s lips as they pressed against hers and pushed her back inside the house. That’s what she wanted, right? That’s exactly what she was hoping for. And it had been a while since she had a sober night herself. They could talk tomorrow, with Karlie’s clothes on her bedroom floor. Tomorrow.

***

Except they never talked. Karlie came and went, hardly ever leaving any trace behind. Sometimes, after a few glasses of wine, Taylor would wonder if she was imagining everything. If the blonde strands of hair on the left side of her bed were her own, from when she rolled around her empty sheets. Maybe everything was just a mirage, a hoax. Maybe the silhouette on a parking lot, the fog on her car windows, and the faint scent on the wool of her clothes were just a product of her drunken mind.

No one else knew. No one else could know, of course, that’s the rule when you’re having an affair. Still, it made her feel like the protagonist in a psychological thriller book. A love story with an unreliable narrator.

***

Taylor’s head was aching as her hands trembled around the wheel. She felt rather than heard her phone vibrating somewhere inside the car, but it remained ignored.

_I fucking hate you, I wish I could ruin this fucking party._

_Taylor, you’re not thinking clearly._

_Does he know where you are?_

Taylor didn’t know where she was driving, but there was a clear path in her mind. A path to end everything, to risk it all, to erase every single cautious step she ever took. Every step that led her to this moment, alone, driving with her headlights on. Running away from the cliffside because she was afraid to hear her voice echoed back at her.

_We can’t do this, it’s too reckless. Do you know how much we’ll lose? We won’t have any peace!_

Karlie wore a white dress that day, when they fought for the last time. When they saw each other for the last time. It’s rude to wear white to a funeral.

***

Taylor dragged herself back to the studio. The days started muddling into each other again, but she didn’t bother keeping track of them anymore. It felt like autumn inside her acclimatized bedroom, and it had been a while since she opened her windows. Her phone had buzzed to death somewhere inside her car, and she still didn’t care to know where it was. Suddenly, there was a new phone laying over her bedside table.

“She doesn’t have your new number.”

“Good.”


End file.
